Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
