Whod you bang
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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