then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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