Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
