I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
