I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
