but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
