You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
