Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
