her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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