Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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