love makes seman taste better
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
