If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How's work?
Spinning.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
