why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
