what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she looked like the before picture.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
