i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize