I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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