Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
