this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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