he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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