Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
