I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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