Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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