did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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