Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
