wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
