there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
