i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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