Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
