Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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