yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize