mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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