Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
