So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you never un-have a 4some
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
