My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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