Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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