did you get engaged???
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
