she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize