i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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