either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
