He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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