Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
