i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
