he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
