after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize