You're a womanizer and a bitch.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
