my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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