I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
