Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
