wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize