Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
