Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
