I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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