She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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