Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
