her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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