I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
