i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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