apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
