U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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