Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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