I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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