I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
