My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Randomize