She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
