omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
home. puking in laundry basket.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
