I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
