so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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