did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
