Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
