I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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