A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
